My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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