So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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