Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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