So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
