so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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