Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
