My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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