i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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