she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
