I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
