My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
