Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
