I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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