just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
