This is not my ceiling
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
