im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
