i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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