did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
