At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There's always time for handjobs
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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