If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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