You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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