there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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