when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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