you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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