Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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