How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
