Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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