She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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