Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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