Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
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Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
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Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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