The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
