hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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