walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
