Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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