i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
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You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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