How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
