I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
