i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just made my gag reflex go away.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
