are you so shy because you have an std?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
