cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
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We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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