you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
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