just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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