I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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