What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
