As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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