im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
