bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
