i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
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Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
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We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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