It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
