I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
