Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
