i don't like sucking hair
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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