just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
