I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I don't think brook has ever known best
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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