then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
