I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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