her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
