nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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