i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
