just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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