i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
